Chasing Fear

 

I took a break from most everything in life recently, and studied for my real estate broker exam. It was worth it….I passed. 🙂

 

Taking a break from everything is a bit of an exaggeration. The laundry, groceries and cleaning did not patiently wait for me to return. Nor did the children’s hungry tummies.

The past month or so I’ve allowed my children to eat what I usually run from, for fear someone will find out I served something horrid like a…..FROZEN LASAGNA!

Making these changes in my life have been eye opening, exciting, scary, and oh so necessary. And that’s just from making frozen lasagna!

I think…..think…..my midlife crisis has come to an end. It’s no longer a crisis, just fabulous midlife. I love it and I am going to squeeze everything out of this time that I can.

A Favorite blogger of mine, (Lynn, from https://encorevoyage.com/ ) once told me, “Honey you just need a shift.” She was right. I shifted and I feel brand new. I love my age. I don’t need to regret not making changes sooner, because I had to want something REALLY bad to make it happen, and I wasn’t at that point when I was even a couple of years younger. I didn’t have the confidence I have now. And I no longer need to panic that time is fleeting, because age is just a number, and as long as we are up for it, we can continue challenging ourselves at any age.

What I have recently learned, and it has been quite eye opening for me, is….I want to always have a fear I must overcome. The kind of fear that makes us step back and say, “maybe next year,” or “well…that’s not really what I want anyway.”

I feared that damn test. People in my life had high expectations of me. What if I failed? I hope I would have taken a deep breath and fought it again until I won.

I was high from succeeding. I don’t remember the last time I felt so happy. I dropped out of college at 21 and started a family. Since that time I have never done anything that was all about me. It felt and still feels great. But get this….

The next day fear tried to envelope me again. It always comes like a mean spirited whisper, doesn’t it? “Who are you to think you can just start a career at 44? Do you really think you can balance a family and a career? What if you….fail?”

I let it follow me around for a couple of days, and then I realized I could use my unwelcome guest to my advantage. I began reminding myself that I had feared the exam….and conquered it. So perhaps this fear thing is a good thing? (I’m like the Martha Stewart of fear) An epiphany! I need healthy fear so I will set goals and conquer those fears! Without fear or a challenge, what is there to work toward? Head in the direction of your fear! Don’t run the other way!

Am I the only one who didn’t figure this out at 20, 30, or even 40? Seriously, this thought is changing my life. I have ALWAYS run the other way when I thought I might fail or I just simply feared. The really interesting thing to me is I didn’t know this about myself. I didn’t see it. I just thought I’d been dealt a life with little opportunity. I didn’t know that I feared failure, which led me to not try. Sure – guilt has played a huge role in not pursuing dreams….but fear fuels that guilt also.

Everyone has different reasons for pursuing goals and dreams. Maybe it’s money, status, security, or other personal convictions. I now know for me it is for growth. I don’t ever want to stop growing intellectually, spiritually and emotionally.

Is there something you are fearing and running from that you actually need to face? If it could change your situation in a positive way, run toward it and fight it. It’s just you and the fear….be a little selfish for a time and give it everything you’ve got!

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