As she danced alone in the living room to Joan Jett’s, I Hate Myself For Loving You, while proudly holding the old fashioned she had made on her own, she wondered….I joke of having lost my quarantined mind. But maybe, just maybe I really have??
It’s me. I am the one dancing in the living room, alone…with bourbon in hand. Things aren’t right. But soon they will be!
I haven’t seen my children in 5 days (having some extra time with dad), and that is a very long time for me. If I were to leave on a trip, that is one thing. But to be at home, literally stuck at home, without them, has been strange, and way too quiet for this mom. I have a new spring in my step, knowing they will be home tomorrow.
I have learned two things in the absence of my energetic, loving children. One, I have always known I am an off the charts extrovert. I didn’t need proof, but I found it while spending a week alone. I was inspired to do just about nothing. That is a new experience for me. Introverts find their energy in peace and solitude. I find my energy and joy in chaotic noise and laughter. I need it. That leads to the second thing I learned. My children are my muse.
We search for that one partner in life who will inspire us to do great things. Turns out my muse is 6 people, ages 25, 23, 17, 16, 14, and 10. That is a lot of muse, and probably why I accomplish a lot in one day when they are around! Left on my own, the music stops, nothing gets painted, nothing is written….just dull, dull, dull.
I need the hum of my 16 year old’s hover board gliding through the house, and his current teenage phrases that remind me I am no longer hip, but make me laugh every time. I need the giggles and never ending hugs, kisses, and adoration from my 10 year old. I need to exchange a knowing glance with my 17 year old daughter, as she smiles back, knowing I am feeling overwhelmed, and quietly letting me know she sees it, with her sweet smile. I need my 14 year old’s silly shenanigans that crack me up as he comes into the kitchen like a bull in a china shop, to create a giant sandwich.
I also need my adult children, and my darling grandson. They don’t live with me and I have adjusted to not seeing them daily, however, knowing I can’t if I wanted to, makes it pretty difficult lately. We are all quarantined from each other, afraid of carrying possible germs back and forth. It hurts some days. I don’t like to think about how long it has been since I stared in awe over my grandson’s perfect face, or felt my heart swell with pride as his mother’s loving eyes watch him with pure joy. My oldest son started a new adventure as an OTR truck driver this past fall. Yep, great timing. He drives his guts out daily so others can hoard the supplies he delivers. Meanwhile he is given no hand sanitizer or cleaning products…nothing. You’re welcome. All I can do is pray his immune system is extra tough these days.
Tonight the kiddos are spending the night at grandma’s, who happens to live in my neighborhood, so we are pretty much quarantining together. I go absolutely nowhere so I won’t carry germs to her house. One blessing of a quarantine, is little things like a night at grandma’s, even for a 17 year old, is pretty darn fun. I am of course considering painting my stairs while they are gone, because heaven knows, resting is never an option. (insert eye roll) That is the problem when my muse returns home…I get too inspired and cannot contain it. Then I get exhausted and we will most likely have half painted stairs. But my supportive clan is used to that.
Moral of the story? There is a good chance your little chaotic life is also your inspiration. How great is that? I think it may be the greatest blessing of our messy, confusing, shelter in place lives…many of us are starting to really understand what has been in front of us for years. All the inspiration we need.